Discernment

The process of discernment, trying to figure out what God is calling you to, is one of the most mentally and spiritually difficult processes one engages in. I think this is especially true for pastors and priests. For most people, what God calls you to is something that doesn't necessarily have to do with what you do for a living. People are called to help others, to get involved, to worship God, and so on and so on. But what does one do when these things are not only what one is called to in one's life but in one's job? Every decision to follow or not follow God has these massive consequences. This is both a good and a bad thing. It means that one's moral life is more consequential. Doing what God wants me to do has a bearing on my income... this is a productive albeit a self-centered motivator to do what God wants me to do. But it also puts a lot of pressure on the individual. If God calls me to poverty, what does this mean for my wife?

This is the one bit of wisdom in the Catholic tradition's injunction against married or romantically involved priests. I think the pros for married clergy far outweigh the cons, but this is one of the cons. So when a priest or pastor tries to figure out what God wants for their lives, they have to be very deliberate. Every minister should be motivated by three factors:
Revelation from God
The people of the Church
The institution of the Church

If I feel God moving my heart a particular direction, I best go that direction. Similarly, if my closest friends and family feel God moving me a particular direction, I would be wise to listen to them, although in the end the decision must be my own. So if I receive a call from God, I go.

But God doesn't always make His ways so clearly known. Mysterious is the Lord, and larger than life. I must also gauge my situation on what God has called me to in the past. God calls ministers to community, usually, and so when a community leaves, so too must the pastor. I cannot stay with a dwindling group of people for many reasons. I may be the cause of the dwindling, and that is no good for anyone. Or I may have somewhere else I am needed. The people who want me in a particular place have at least some power to decide if I stay in that place. They are a part of my call. God tells me where I am supposed to be by them and their actions. Yes, God calls us sometimes to what seems to be failure. But that doesn't mean He wants us to masochistically wallow in it. If the youth in my youth group like having me as a resource both spiritually, emotionally, and practically, then they have part of the power that keeps me where I am. My commitment to them is total. My commitment to the job that makes me available to them is conditionally. One of those conditions is them.

Finally, the institution of the church must choose to compensate me. The laborer is worthy of his hire. I spend too much time and money on education, and work too hard with too many sacrifices to allow myself to be used for no material benefit. God does not call me to take the food out of my wife's mouth. A church's willingness to pay for my work is part of the way in which I know I am called. I may be called to other things, even unpaid ministry, but then the sacrifices and calculations will change, and I need to live in that world if that is where God is calling me. I cannot live in this world and deal with the consequences of that one.

God works in many ways, some spiritual and some material. This is how I try to find my way as a minister, as a pastor. I cannot put limits on where God can bring me but I must have some process as an embedded human being to figure out where I'm supposed to be in this world. It can never be easy, it should never be easy. But it must in some sense be simple. God is mysterious, not complex.