Well the mission trip was, overall, a great success. But I was not altogether successful at leading it. There were more challenges than usual, and while I managed to ensure that the kids grew as people and had a good time, I feel like I learned more than they did. Most of what I learned was rather humbling.
Much of the event, I looked forward to my own sermon, which came across beautifully and seemed to be well-received. Thanks be to God, for this. The Spirit flowed, and I spoke and what came out was what people needed to hear.
But there were several moments when I failed to be the person God wants me to be, even as the youth I lead persevered in this regard. For instance, we had to change the plants for the steps my group was building several times. This meant moving holes, and then moving them some more. The youth dug, and dug, and dug. I did my own share. Between the digging, and changes and the rain, I got a bit frustrated, and it showed. I let my pride and anger get the better of me. I made sure the youth knew that they had done absolutely everything right, but that the need to move the holes was the result of poor planning on my part (it was). I was mostly angry at myself. But I got frustrated, they didn't. I complained, and they didn't. It is both wonderful and terrible to be shown up on the level of Christian character by people 1/3rd your age.
Secondly, there was a moment when one of the youth was doing the devotional. She got everyone together and started reading what she had been told to read. This was part of the job assigned to her, and she attacked it with utmost seriousness. But if I'm honest, for half of her speech I couldn't focus. I was too focused on finishing the stairs we were building. I don't want to be too hard on myself, my motivations were good. I didn't want the youth to work as hard as they did and not have a positive result. But when I let go and started to really listen to her, I realized just how much light was emanating from her spirit in that moment. It was something to behold. All the work I try to do to be a 'leader' and she was reflecting Christ's glory in ways I couldn't even begin to.
There is an old story among Eastern Orthodox story of a bishop who hears about an island of monks who don't know how to do communion right, and don't even know the right words to the prayers. After a week of instructing them, he is rowing back to a ship to take him home. Then over the waters he sees three figures: it is the monks walking on water to his boat, they ask him to remind them of the right words for the Apostle's Creed, for they have already forgotten it. The bishop then tells them to worry not, for he realizes now that they have all they need...more even.
This story brought me great joy after reflecting on the most recent mission trip experience. Sometimes I feel like I am a 'general retreating from victory already achieved' (paraphrased from Dietrich Bonohoeffer).
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