The Fight For Faith

I've had some rough stuff happen to me the last week. This has caused an undue increase in worry, fear and anxiety. The week before that a disconcerting thought threatened depression. Over the years, I've learned that at times like this only one thing is the answer: faith. Faith in what is good and true. As long as I remember that Jesus is Lord, and what that really means, I am fine. Better than fine, I'm good.

But my faith vacillates. It is stronger at times and weaker at other times. I have faithless moments and periods. During those times, I have to find a way to strengthen my faith. So I pray more, I study the Bible, and I meditate. As much as I possibly can. I also begin to dream journal more because I know that bad times bring about negative dream images which themselves contribute to depression. I theorize that negative dream imagery which is unremembered but leaves emotional scars is one of the causes of the epidemic of depression in this world. I lucid dream and try to move my internal imagery in a possible direction.

When this increase in introspection begins, it is difficult and painful. Often all of the negative emotions rise up to the surface and attack with gusto. The devil sees and opening and begins a full-on assault. The trick is not to let this pain dissuade you. Push on through, and you'll find on the other side is something wonderful. It takes patience, practice and prayer. Prayer is usually a safer form of introspection, as it is a reaching out rather than a reaching in. It helps 'prime the pump' to make the meditative practices more effective. It helps weed out the lies of the evil one. But they must be waded through, you cannot go around the swamp to get to the garden. You have to muck your way through it.

Helpful during these times is also regulating very tightly the input I receive. I read more comic books, especially ones about the hero saving the day. As I said I read the Bible both as an object of study and devotionally. I try to watch films that are uplifting, especially kids movies I enjoy. I listen to music with positive messages only, surround myself with positive people and friends, and I talk openly about whatever is causing my downturn. We often think we have to keep our pain inside to keep from inflicting it on others. But in fact, the darkness is dispelled by the light of truth. Openness with friends is a strength, not a weakness. And it is no burden so long as you are a person who reciprocates.

If you do this long enough, you will find your way back to faith, and when it comes back it comes back like a flood. There is a moment of insight, a vision in a dream or while meditating, some voice from the other side beckoning to comfort. A whisper of a positive message. All of a sudden a wave of life-giving water floods into the swamp, and you are carried safely to the other side. This is the power of faith, this is the light of truth. My recent hardships are still there. I can feel them pecking at me. But their power has been robbed. They moved from being terrible demons to annoying imps. I have a sword of light to kill what's left. Thanks be to my Lord Jesus Christ, for the gift of faith and the power it holds.