Before I fully embraced Universalism I was constantly bombarded by internal strife. I was always worried that I wasn't certain enough, that I didn't believe enough, and yes that I wasn't good enough, for God to love me and forgive me. I was always searching for that perfect faith, that absolute certainty that unfailing confidence. Over time I started to see this is a kind of idolatry. For the quest for belief, for certainty, is a quest to take control over something in one's self, even if it is just to 'let go and let God'. Paradoxically, the more one seeks faith the less of it one seems to have. Soon religion become neurotic and self-destructive. I came to realize that in a very real sense I was seeking faith not in God, but in faith itself. I wanted to find faith in my own belief, my own certainty, rather than in Jesus Christ. I could not trust that Jesus' sacrifice was sufficient for my salvation, I rather was seeking to trust that my BELIEF in Jesus' sacrifice was necessary for it. and if I couldn't find that belief, well then I was in trouble wasn't I?
As I slowly gave myself over to Universalism, to the belief that indeed Jesus' sacrifice was sufficient for all people at least be allowed into Heaven (if not now, then at some point, and if not as the totality of who they were, then at least in part), I found this neuroses melt away. All of a sudden, I found myself able to trust in Jesus Christ, in God, and in the Holy Spirit, and give up this idolatry of my own attitude. I will never know if I "believe enough", for I am a mystery even to myself, as Psalm 139 says. I do not know who I am, but I know that God knows who I am, and that is enough. I do not know, but I am known, and that satisfies. I know longer worry if I am certain enough about my own salvation to warrant being saved. And somehow, this gives me a level of confidence I never had before. It is only through Universalism that I have fully found faith in Jesus Christ.
Now I still try to bring people into the light of Jesus' presence. But I don't do this in a neurotic or controlling way. I simply love, and proclaim what the Lord has done for me, and does for me every day, and I give the rest up to God. I found I have become a better evangelist since I have embraced Universalism. Of course, pragmatic concerns are not always the best way to adjudicate what one should believe. Truth is more important than 'what works' or what makes one happy. But when it comes to things like salvation, nobody really has a full handle on the truth. People can PRETEND they know for sure, but nobody really knows for sure. The Bible isn't clear one direction or another. So when one has a multitude of options, all seemingly equally rational, it is perfectly reasonable to use pragmatic concerns as the final court of appeal, if no other one exists. If Universalism makes me a better Christian, a better servant, and a better human being, and I think it has, then I see no reason why I shouldn't embrace it as I have.
Certainly your former position sounds very much like mine. What must I do/think/believe in order to be certain I am saved? I put this down as my Roman Catholic hangover but now I see how it goes deeper than that, to some self-reliance that is destructive of real faith.
ReplyDeleteCertainly I'm not a Universalist: at the end of the day if you can't lose a game, why play it? Or another thought is: If all are saved regardless of their participation in their salvation in life then what exactly is the reason for faith? Why not "Eat, drink and do Mary for tomorrow I'll die and be saved anyway?" I could understand this if Purgatory or an analogy of Hell as imagined by Lewis in The Great Divorce were in play how this could work. Otherwise I'm not sure I see why I should bother with all the faith stuff.
Certainly I'm not on the verge of walking away from it all, I would just like to understand how it is thought to work. Perhaps you will say that it is a mystery and my own salvation should be my concern not another's, but I would still like to know the answer. If there is a direction to point me I'll take that too.
The reason to do right is for the benefit of God, to alleviate the suffering of God, not my own. The reason for faith is to believe the truth, which always better than not, to make sense of the meaningfulness of my life, and because life is better with God than without. There is a battle going on for this world, you take part in it or not. Additionally, I think there is a permanent consequence for the individual, as well. This is a personal feeling, but I don't think you can be more in heaven than you make of yourself on earth. This world, is in part, a veil of soul making. See: my recent post on the Good Samaritan for more.
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